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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26125369">My Youth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Play Caregiver Choi Jongho, Age Play Caregiver Choi San, Age Play Caregiver Jeong Yunho, Age Play Caregiver Jung Wooyoung, Age Play Caregiver Kim Hongjoong, Age Play Caregiver Park Seonghwa, Age Play Caregiver Song Mingi, Age Play Little Kang Yeosang, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Ateez is a family - Freeform, Depression, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kang Yeosang-centric, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mingi is a baby, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Past Sexual Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, i'm sorry ;-;, maybe romatic relationships later on, wooyoung is a good friend, yeosang is a trying his best</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:42:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26125369</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeosang was a little. Someone who participated in age regression. He no longer shied away from that term anymore as he’s read up on it so much. He had always known he showed to be childish a lot, but to a certain degree. Most of his group members were childish, and he loved every second of it. Only they didn’t know he was a little. He couldn’t let his members know.</p>
<p>He was fine slipping every once in a while about 3 times a month as he didn’t need it as much. That was until the nightmares had started coming back. Memories of things he had wanted to forget for so long laced themselves through his dreams, tainting them. He wakes up in a panic almost every night now, crying silently in the dark, as he was afraid to wake up his sleeping roommate. </p>
<p>He has tried so hard to forget what had happened in the past. He went to every therapy session and even takes medications to help with his depression and anxiety. So why could he still feel cold hands running up and down his body, squeezing every delicate place. He thought he was getting better. Turns out he will never actually be better, he was just lying to himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Kang Yeosang, Jeong Yunho/Kang Yeosang, Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Kang Yeosang/Everyone, Kang Yeosang/Kim Hongjoong, Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa, Kang Yeosang/Song Mingi, ateez is a family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Be Alright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This chapter is a bit short, but it's just a starter chapter so- don't worry!</p>
<p>Triggers in this chapter-<br/>-Blood</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yeosang’s alarm blared loudly in his ear as he stared blankly at the ceiling above him. He could briefly hear Jongho groan from across the room, clearly not a morning person. Yeosang wasn’t usually a morning person, only he never slept anymore, so he always felt tired. </p>
<p>“Hyung? Turn it off already..” Jongho complained sitting up in his bed rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Yeosang only left a small sigh out, reaching up to hit snooze before his arm fell back down to his bed. </p>
<p>“Yeosang? Jongho? Oh, good, you’re both up.” Hongjoong peaked his head into the boy’s room chuckling at the tired look Jongho gave him, “Did you both stay up gaming again? You both knew we had early schedules.” Jongho mumbled something incoherent standing up as Yeosang only rolled over on his side.</p>
<p>His limbs were so heavy today. Moving seemed like it took all of his energy, even breathing seemed too hard today. “Hyung? Come on- we need to get ready.” Jongho said opening dresser drawers briefly looked over towards Yeosang thinking he was still asleep.</p>
<p>“I know Jongho…” Yeosang conceded, shutting his eyes to only build up the motivation to move. He had startled awake around 2 this morning and had been too scared to fall back asleep. He grunted pushing himself upwards seeing Jongho throwing a shirt on. He was already fully clothed and ready to go…. man Yeosang was slacking today. </p>
<p>“Hyung? Are you feeling okay today?” Yeosang snapped out of his head, eyes widening at how close Jongho had gotten to him. “I’m sure you can stay home if you don’t feel well.”</p>
<p>Yeosang shook his head, smiling weakly at him. “I’m fine, Jongho. I’m just tired... I’ll feel much more awake once I get up.” God how wrong he was, he somehow felt worse when he moved around more. His limbs didn’t cooperate with him, and it was the same with his brain. He could barely focus on the words coming from their leader’s mouth. He could see Wooyoung laughing, but he couldn’t hear what he was laughing about. </p>
<p>He startled when he felt someone place a hand on his shoulder. He looked up from the table to meet Seonghwa’s concerned gaze. Of course Seonghwa would’ve noticed something wasn’t right. That was Seonghwa’s nature. “You okay, Sangie?” The nickname made his heart wrench as his little side whined a tad. He wanted nothing more than to drop and be called by that nickname.</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah I’m okay.” Yeosang stuttered, offering a smile towards the older. He didn’t seem convinced at all, but he nodded as a response before going to pack his dance bag. </p>
<p>“Yeosang you haven’t even touched your breakfast. We leave in 6 minutes so eat up.” Hongjoong encouraged standing. Yeosang looked down at his cut apple slices, Seonghwa cut them for him as he rarely liked the texture of biting into the apple skin. He didn’t want to eat it, he didn’t want to feel full. Even if his stomach growled in hunger he wouldn’t give in to it. </p>
<p>So, he stood up and threw the slices in a zip-lock bag before tossing them into the fridge. Maybe when he’s feeling better he’ll eat them. Or when he decides to slip he’ll eat them, but not right now. </p>
<p>“To the car, everyone! Let’s make today productive!” Hongjoong’s voice rang throughout the dorm as he could faintly hear Wooyoung and San shouting over something. He didn’t want today to happen, he didn’t want any day to happen anymore.</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>“Yeosang you’re a step behind.” </p>
<p>“Yeosang watch the way your foot lands on that beat.”</p>
<p>He was getting frustrated, and he could also feel everyone’s frustration as well. He kept messing up the choreography, making them restart every time. <br/>“One last time and then we’ll take a break. It’ll be okay everyone.” Yunho encouraged smiling brightly, mostly towards Yeosang who refused to meet his eyes. They have been at practice for about four hours now and nothing has changed.</p>
<p>The music started back up, snapping Yeosang out of his thoughts and into motion. About halfway through the dance he felt weak, more than this morning. The room was hot and had begun to spin. He’ll be fine, he’ll make it to the break. He was doing okay for feeling like he was going to pass out and puke all at once. Until one particular turn in the dance made, his vision cut out and sent him falling forwards. He heard someone yell for the music to be cut as he blinked the dark spots out of his eyes. He stared wide eyed at the floor as blood dripped from his nose, pooling in a small puddle. </p>
<p>“Oh, my god Yeosang!” Yeosang looked up at Wooyoung who starred wide eyed at him before he let out a loud wail. The blood was running everywhere, and he didn’t want to see it. He wanted it gone. Why won’t it stop?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Story Never Ends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Possible Triggers<br/>-Impiled sexual content<br/>-Impiled rape<br/>-blood<br/>-flashback</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>“Yeosang? Baby, where are you right now?” Seonghwa knelt in front of him. He wasn’t focusing on the question anymore, instead he realized how blood was coming from him. It was all over his hands, the bright red color making his empty stomach churn. His breaths became shallow as he panicked, instantly dropping out of fear. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeosang calm down, please. It’ll be okay.” Seonghwa took some tissues from Mingi, reaching out only to have Yeosang flinch back. “Baby, I have to stop the blood.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Too much. He cried loudly as he tried to wipe the blood off as fast as he could before he realized it kept coming. Memories flashed through his mind as his members panicked around him. Yeosang was no longer responding to anything said. He wasn’t in the practice room anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Someone go get a manger or something!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Yeosang’s parents worked non-stop when he was younger. Since they couldn’t leave a 7-year-old at home alone, they hired a babysitter to watch over him. The boy was almost 18 now, and he was the coolest person to Yeosang back then. A month into him coming over and watching Yeosang was when everything went wrong. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeosang... Come watch this video with me.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Is it one of those funny videos again Jae?” Little Yeosang hopped excitedly over towards the older male plopping himself next to Jae. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“You can say that.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The video wasn’t funny at all. Yeosang sat confused, watching innocently as the screen previewed to males having sex, but Yeosang didn’t know that. He was oblivious to anything going on.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“We should try this Yeo. All I’m doing is teaching you a new game.” Yeosang looked up at the hunger in the male’s eyes. It didn’t look like a fun game. It didn’t look fun. Why couldn’t they watch funny pet videos or something?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Ca-Can’t we play with cars..” Yeosang whispered before he was pushed back onto the couch. “I don’t want to play this game.” Tears built up in his eyes, struggling under Jae.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“You haven’t learned the rules yet…. let me teach you.”</em> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>_________</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sangie... hey It’s Wooyoung. Can you please listen to us?” Yeosang blinked, staring at him with watery eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Woo?” He mumbled while Wooyoung sighed, reaching up to place a tissue to his nose. The bleeding was stopping now, but it was still really bad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Guys he’s responding now.” Yeosang looked up at the rest of his members. Everyone showed some sign of crying or fear on their faces. Yeosang was trying to process a lot, but his brain felt like mush. He couldn’t understand anything that was going on other than the fact that he wasn’t in danger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeosang, where are we?” Hongjoong asked, kneeling next to Wooyoung who was focused on cleaning Yeosang up a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Joongie…” Yeosang mumbled, watching the confused look come across everyone’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s my name, baby... where are we?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang glanced around the room before back at Hongjoong, “w-work?” Yeosang answered in a question earning a sigh from everyone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hyung- he’s still not acting right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was he being bad? Yeosang watched in fear before he let out a whine covering his face, “Sangie sworry.” He sobbed. Everyone stood frozen, not sure on what to do right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey- Sangie baby... it’s not your fault.” Yunho bounced back from the shock, going along with Yeosang right now. “You’re probably so tired right now, aren’t you?” Yeosang peaked out from his hands, nodding his head shyly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yunho looked back at the others, shrugging his shoulders in confusion. “Let’s get you home then?” Mingi asked, watching as Yeosang grinned happily before he made grabby hands at Mingi.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“UpUpUp.” Yeosang chanted. The male still had blood all over the front of his shirt, followed by his pants. Someone would’ve thought he’d gotten punched in the face right now.  Jongho came in to save the day, carefully picking up Yeosang who only giggled in glee at being lifted. He buried his head in the crook of Jongho’s neck, letting out a content sigh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So- what’s going on with him?” San whispered as the group headed out to the vehicles. It appeared no one had an exact answer to that question just yet. All they knew was something wasn’t right with Yeosang right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>___________</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Yeosang ended up sleeping all the way to the dorms as he laid slumped over on Wooyoung’s shoulder, who ran his hands through the older’s hair. The car was silent mostly as the only noise was of the passing cars. “What do you guys think happened?” Yunho was heard breaking the silence that encased them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If we think logically he almost passed out, either from exhaustion, dehydration, or I guess hunger? It could be all three if I’m being honest.” Seonghwa spoke softly, trying not to disturb Yeosang. “He looked like he panicked at seeing the blood. Maybe he has a phobia of seeing blood?” He looked towards Wooyoung, who furrowed his eyebrows in thought before he shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s no way. I’ve bled a few times in front of him from minor injuries when we were trainees. He didn’t have this kind of reaction to it before.” Wooyoung claimed to end up with all of them more confused than before. “Though…. I’ve never seen Yeosang act like this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe- Maybe he only freaks out at the sight of his own blood? If that’s the case do you think something happened to him? Something he didn’t want to tell us?” Mingi asked, glancing over towards Yeosang who shifted ever so slightly in his sleep. Apart from the blood staining the front of his shirt, he looked peaceful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It may just be hard for him, whatever it is we’ll stick with him.” Hongjoong smiled as the car parked in the front of the dorms, “Jongho go ahead and pick Yeosang up. Try not to wake him until we get him situated inside.”</p>
<p>Jongho nodded gently picking Yeosang up carrying him inside with the help of San who held the doors open for him. “I’ll go grab a change of clothes for him. Jongho just set him on the couch for us, and everyone please keep the volume down.” Seonghwa instructed, staring at Wooyoung and San who both pouted at being accused. “I mean it.” Seonghwa smiled walking away towards Yeosang’s room as everyone sat down in the living room waiting for Yeosang to wake up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They got Yeosang out of his stained shirt and into a hoodie with no problems as the other didn’t even stir from his sleep. It wasn’t over 10 minutes after they changed his clothes, when he woke up. He cracked his eyes open just a tad, hissing when the light had hit his eyes before quickly shutting them again. What had even happened?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeosang? You with us?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was Yunho’s voice, right? Why did he sound so worried? That’s when all the memories hit him, his eyes snapping open as he shot up into an upright position. He apparently scared practically everyone in the room. How did he get into different clothes? His hands shook as he balled the ends on his hoodie sleeves in his hand. Nonononono this couldn’t be happening. They weren’t supposed to know anything about his little side. He was pathetic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You need to breathe Yeosang. A deep breath in and exhale.” Wooyoung’s voice sounded muffled, but he felt his hand being picked up and placed on someone’s chest. Their heartbeat was fast, but he could feel every breath they took. He didn’t even realize he stopped breathing until now, his chest burning for any small amount of oxygen it could get. He tried to focus on the way the other inhaled, attempting to match his inhale with theirs. “There you go Sangie. You’re doing good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took about 5 or 6 more minutes for his breathing to become somewhat stable. “Yeosang, can you tell us what caused that?” Hongjoong questioned as Yeosang looked away, his eyes becoming shiny with unshed tears. “We won’t judge you. We all love you so much Yeosang.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I….. I’m sorry.” Yeosang whispered, tensing when he felt a hand on his back, “I didn’t want this to go this way.” He hiccuped the tears now flowing freely as he wiped them on his sleeves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Know what? That you’re afraid of blood?” Mingi asked, earning a small slap to the back of the head by Seonghwa. “Sorry..” Yeosang shook his head as a response as Yunho puckered his lips in thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this about your behavior when it happened?” Yunho asked, watching as Yeosang flinched when he said it, offering a nod of the head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t…” He took a deep breath, “I don’t like seeing my own blood... and I freaked out and- and I regressed out of fear.” Yeosang looked up at all the confused looks before he hunched back into himself, afraid of their reactions to the next part. “I’m a little. Their adults who regress mentally to help with stress or to help relieve... relieve past trauma.” Yeosang let out a small cry when he heard no one respond. They were going to kick him out of the group. They won’t want anything to do with him after this. “I-I was getting better.” Yeosang sobbed as his hands came up to his head as he hit himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeosang, stop you’re going to hurt yourself.” Seonghwa’s gentle voice came through pulling his hands down, “I don’t want to push you to tell us everything, but... if being a little helps you, then I will gladly help you through it. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this.” Yeosang sniffled, looking up at everyone who gave encouraging smiles or nods of the heads.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As much as I want you to go relax Yeosang, we need to still ask a few things. I’m sure everyone will stay up researching what a little is…” Hongjoong looked around the room at the others who looked called out, “Can you still answer a few questions?” Yeosang hesitantly nodded his head, leaning into Seonghwa who sat next to him now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You said people regress to help with stress or to help with trauma… Was yours trauma?” he asked softly as Yeosang hid his head in Seonghwa’s side, “Alright... Does anyone know about this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My family... the company.” Yeosang mumbled, “They needed to know so I could take my medicine and- so they don’t trigger it or something.” Everyone caught onto the medicine part looking worriedly at Yeosang, “I used to go to therapy... They prescribed me medicine for my anxiety and depression..”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are your triggers? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or something.” San looked at Yeosang with pleading eyes as Yeosang mumbled something incoherent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have to speak up baby.” Seonghwa whispered, nudging the younger softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If it’s a bad day, I don’t like unexpected touches... uh, you guys already know the blood thing, and I guess I don’t like feeling closed in or trapped.” Yeosang admitted looking hesitantly at everyone. He didn’t want to admit the last one. They didn’t need to know it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m so proud of you!” Hongjoong smiled, “It takes a lot to share this with us. I promise we will all look into age regression and be mindful of the things you just told us.” Yeosang smiled shyly, hiding his face once more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah hyung. I’ll take great care of you!” Jongho smiled. Maybe everything will be okay for once in his life…. If only he hadn’t said that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Not A Update *I'm sorry*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>This is not a update</strong> </span>
</p><p><span class="u"></span> <em>I want to take a moment a tell y'all what is going on with the lack of updates. Recently I have postponed writing the next chapters for few reasons that I hope y'all will understand.</em></p><p>
  <em>First off I want you all to know that everything I usually write about has some of my own experiences in it. This one as well. I wanted to find a way to vent and this was how I did it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've been struggling with writing for a while now as I really got into my head. I want to spread awareness over topics like this yet I'm not one that's very good at doing that. Once again everything I write about stuff that means something to me so when you connect the dots and everything in this story it will make sense on why the updates are slow. I am fully aware that people will bash me and say I don't know what I'm talking about because it has happen before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It takes a lot to write about this stuff. To others this may seem stupid that I even bothered talking about this with y'all. Of course I my situation wasn't quite like the one in this story it still is a serious topic </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Another issues that has made me slow down and made me realize I needed to post something like this was the whole Woojin situation that has became a thing. I think I need a moment to step back and process this whole matter as it has really had a negative affect on me. Woojin was someone who I appreciate and to see this play out makes me sick to my stomach. It's always people you think you can trust or you think look trustworthy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The next chapter will be out soon. I promise you all!! I am just honestly disappointed and struggling right now. I appreciate all the love and support this story has gotten and it has made me feel a lot better about things. I love y'all 💕.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Once again I am so sorry guys! The next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for all the support! </p><p>Sorry about any errors as I wasn't looking to be perfect right now.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading this chapter! Feel free to leave any kudos or commets, love ya'll.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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